Franciscan Sister of Christian Charity Sister Mariella Erdmann reflects on rebuilding Christ’s Church with the Third Order of St. Francis charism of contemplation. She begins first by defining contemplation as she understands it to be. Next, she applies it to her own life.
I would like to begin by explaining contemplation as I am using it in this essay. Pope Benedict XVI tells us that, “Contemplation aims at creating within us a truly wise and discerning vision of reality, as God sees it, and at forming within us the mind of Christ.” This explanation covers my earlier years in Religious life to the waning of my earthly life.
I think back to my response to God’s clear call to follow him as a Franciscan Sister of Christian Charity. It was filled with much zeal, idealism and hopeful anticipation that comes with youth. I indeed felt prepared to give my wholehearted service to Christ whom I loved. In community, I had the opportunity to learn about the Third Order Rule over the years. I grew to appreciate and love the amazingly simple, deep and challenging insights it gave me to live as Christ did within a Religious Community setting. Call, conversion, prayer, poverty, minority, humility, penance and community stand out as the lights, (charisms) that have guided my way.
I soon learned that the zeal I came with needed testing. In my early years on mission a Sister approached me with a sense of sadness after one of our community meetings and sharing and said, “You are idealistic and filled with such zeal. Just wait until you are older and you will be just like me.” At first, I was shocked and determined not to let this happen to me but with more reflection I had such compassion for the Sister who was struggling to be what God was calling her to be but feeling as though she had lost her fervor. It was a graced moment for me in my youth and for her in her older years. We both had to reflect upon and contemplate what God was saying to us. I realized that I needed to be hewn into the person God was calling me to be through community living and apostolic service. This can only be accomplished by experiencing suffering in an imperfect world as well as the beauty of God’s many blessings. There were, indeed, times of deep pain, confusion, and suffering from factors within and from outside of community. It was part of the times as we moved toward a post-Christian era.
The Third Order Rule became more alive in my mind and heart as I contemplated over the years God’s call and my need for daily conversion and to be poor, humble, and little in the eyes of the world, but hopefully beautiful in the eyes of God. I contemplated God’s lavish love shown to me in the most unexpected ways. I, also, came to realize more and more that God had a plan for me despite my faults, failures, and sins. This has led me to enjoy His healing power of mercy and forgiveness.
As I come closer to the end of my earthly life, I am most grateful for the inspiration of the Third Order Charisms. I know I am still learning, but I hope that I have acquired a more discerning and wiser vision and a deeper desire to be formed into the likeness of Christ who poured out his life for us. May I, also, pour out my life for others as He wills me to do. I belong totally to Him.
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